Owning a problem..
(As a reminder; the opinions expressed here is purely my own, if supported by specific science I will write a source at the bottom of the post.)
We will always run into obstacles in our life, one way or another, we all know that. Everyone does sometimes. However, there is a huge difference how we handle those obstacles. Some people seem to get around thir obstacles with or sometimes even without some effort. Other people might have to stick around for a while, examine whatever obstacle in their way, planning before taking any action for moving on.
There are all sorts of ways to handle obstacles being thrown right in front of you but there is one category of people who will stay by that obstacle, not being capable of moving forward at all. We have probably all met them. Those are the people who sees themselves as victims of circumstances. Its not their fault that the obstacle is there, it must be someone elses fault, they havent been taught how to handle such obstacles because nobody ever taught them to do so, they are not equipped for handling an obstacle because of something or someone else and its always out of their own control and therefor they are expecting someone else to solve the problem for them.
There are all sorts of ways to handle obstacles being thrown right in front of you but there is one category of people who will stay by that obstacle, not being capable of moving forward at all. We have probably all met them. Those are the people who sees themselves as victims of circumstances. Its not their fault that the obstacle is there, it must be someone elses fault, they havent been taught how to handle such obstacles because nobody ever taught them to do so, they are not equipped for handling an obstacle because of something or someone else and its always out of their own control and therefor they are expecting someone else to solve the problem for them.
You can handle a problem in different ways but be sure that you do "own" the problem. It doesnt matter who caused the problem. It doesnt matter that you never asked for it to exist - Its still there. As long as the problem will effect your life you will need to find a constructive way of solving it or you will be stuck there. Imagine it like its been stuck to you with superglue. Your mind will focus on it from time to time, it doesnt matter if you wish for it or not, and every time your mind does so, it will cost you energy. Sometimes it will even cost you your dreams if you aint able of moving past it.
Ignoring a problem seldom leads to any solution, at least not for a long term.
You can decide, at any time, that you will own the problem. You could do it with a grin and a sense of power "I OWN THIS!" I promise that feeling is better then the problem owning you instead and you walking around feeling like the whole world is against you.
Im not perfect, Ive been there. I didnt "own" my problem and stood up for myself when neccesary which made it prolonged and draining me of both time and energy. I chose, unconsciously to let it own me. Making me belive that was it, I couldnt get any further.
If I had stood up for myself directly that could have changed the whole situation.
Obstacles in our way are very often, in at least some part, created with our own help. A typical example would be;
" "Mary", 47 years old, living with her husband since 25 years. They have children together but they are adults now and have left the house. Mary hasnt been happy lately, her work is taking a toll on her and she and her husband hardly ever speak to eachother anymore. She doesnt feel loved or appreciated at all. She blames hur husband for that, he seems to enjoy hanging out with the lads at the pub instead of being at home watching tele with her. She used to belive that when the kids were all grown up and had moved out of their house that she and her husband would travel together and spend evenings, watching movies, eating crackers and cheese while having long conversations. Now, she goes to bed alone, day after day, month after month. Why cant he see how she feels?"
If Mary has accepted this situation before, she has involuntary contributed in establishing a pattern. And she does have some responsibility in the same situation. Since she has responsibility in it she has to determine how to act to "own" the problem.
If she doesnt do anything but feeling sad or annoyed about the situation it will carry on. She might even establish a pattern of being bitter and toxic by letting it go on. Trust me, you dont like bitter.
If I had stood up for myself directly that could have changed the whole situation.
Obstacles in our way are very often, in at least some part, created with our own help. A typical example would be;
" "Mary", 47 years old, living with her husband since 25 years. They have children together but they are adults now and have left the house. Mary hasnt been happy lately, her work is taking a toll on her and she and her husband hardly ever speak to eachother anymore. She doesnt feel loved or appreciated at all. She blames hur husband for that, he seems to enjoy hanging out with the lads at the pub instead of being at home watching tele with her. She used to belive that when the kids were all grown up and had moved out of their house that she and her husband would travel together and spend evenings, watching movies, eating crackers and cheese while having long conversations. Now, she goes to bed alone, day after day, month after month. Why cant he see how she feels?"
If Mary has accepted this situation before, she has involuntary contributed in establishing a pattern. And she does have some responsibility in the same situation. Since she has responsibility in it she has to determine how to act to "own" the problem.
If she doesnt do anything but feeling sad or annoyed about the situation it will carry on. She might even establish a pattern of being bitter and toxic by letting it go on. Trust me, you dont like bitter.
Why? Because her husband isnt a mindreader. Very fem people are mindreaders. He might be fine with the situation, or feel heartbroken by it, Mary will never know unless she speaks to him. Right?
Do you have any problems around you, at the moment, that you could need to "own"?
Just do it, if you are concerned about the consequences try to remind yourself of the question "Am I OK with how this is now?". If you aint then its time for a change -right?